My last two days at the group home were bittersweet. Although I was there for a month, I did not get too many opportunities to really dive into these residents' backstories and decipher what led them to this point in their lives. However, these last two days gave me great insight. First, a worker from another home stopped by the home to dispose of some old medications. While he was there, he began telling me that he used to work with some of the residents in other facilities, and enlightened me on some of their stories. For instance, one particular resident is notorious for their substance abuse. Having never been exposed to the world of drug use, I have never once given a thought as to what might lead to addiction, or even what makes people turn to drugs in the first place. The worker told me that the resident was practically abandoned by the father, left in the care of a neglectful addict, bounced around and adopted, sexually abused, manipulated by family, and so on. Such a story immediately highlighted my privilege and stripped me of any prior judgment I held towards the resident and other substance abusers.
On my very last day, one of the most introverted and quiet residents let me into her mind for a few moments. They were stating that their voices were getting worse, and that they are becoming harder and harder to manage. They then began to talk about when they were younger and their parents had a messy divorce that resulted in half of their family moving halfway across the country. The resident stated that they really did not want to move, but that the day they moved they were possessed by demons that forced them to be happy about the move and get on that moving bus for two days. After the resident finished telling their story, another staff member and I were sitting in silence with the resident. Suddenly, they panickedly asked "did you hear that?" Both the staff member and I said no. The resident then said "I just heard a really loud voice. You didn't hear that? You didn't hear that man with the really loud voice yelling?" We again said no. When the staff asked what the man was saying, the resident replied with "he said HELP! AHHHHHHHH! I'M BURNING!" This experience was so surreal to me, as it was the first time a resident had acknowledged their schizophrenic voices out loud in front of me. Ultimately, this experience was successful in underlining just how advantaged and entitled I grew up, and I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to be humbled and walk in the shoes of others.
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On Monday, I was completely alone. The staff that was supposed to be with me called out, so I was at the office entirely by myself. My supervisor contacted me and requested that I take two of the residents to the food pantry, which then extended to the bank, store, and gas station as well. I was absolutely terrified to be trusted to drive two residents in my own car. To make matters worse, I hit a curb the hardest I have ever hit one with two paranoid schizophrenics in my car. Last week, another resident did not feel very well, so they were taken to urgent care. As we found out this week, it seems as though they may have lung cancer. On both Tuesday and Wednesday, I was almost entirely on my own again. It was pretty quiet around the office, though, so no residents really needed anything. Although, I did get a call that one of the residents could not be found, so I had to key in to their apartment to try to find them. To walk into the apartment of a resident that is much older and bigger than me was absolutely nerve-wracking, but it was a great opportunity to experience the amount of responsibility that every day staff is given.
I was by myself for a majority of the last two days. The other staff were still handling sick residents, so I was frequently left alone to watch the office. While I was able to help residents with some things when they came in, others were still off limits to me, such as distributing their weekly checks. I also had a resident ask me for a ride somewhere, to which I had to say no. The residents seem to be having trouble understanding that I am an intern and there to observe, and often times get upset when I cannot do something that they ask of me. In a way, this is beneficial to me in that it forces me to de-escalate situations on my own. For the most part, though, the home was pretty quiet this week. All of the so-called problematic residents are currently in psychiatric hospitals, and the residents that are left tend to keep to themselves and mind their own business. One incident that was very interesting for me to watch this week was a resident coming into the office and out of nowhere started asking if they would be missed if they died. After staff told them yes, the resident retreated back to their apartment. After a few minutes, they came back to the office and asked for medication to help control the suicidal thoughts. A majority of those that struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts on a daily basis never express those thoughts, let alone ask for help. To observe a resident in a group home, someone that is incapable of completing basic activities of daily living, build the courage to ask for the help that most people deny they even need was baffling to me. Sometimes, the situations I encounter serve to remind me just why I love immersing myself within the realm of mental health in the first place.
The past two days, I have been trusted alone more and more. Therefore, I have been interacting with residents on my own quite a bit more. I have been responsible for answering phone calls, assisting with prescriptions, and helping the residents with overall daily life. While I am honored to be trusted with residents and their lives by myself, it has been extremely stressful at the same time. Residents have been harassing me about writing their checks and giving them rides to places, two activities that I am still not allowed to do. Yet, it is still an honor that the residents even trust me enough to ask for these favors. Furthermore, three of the ten residents are currently sick, while another three are currently hospitalized and one is never home. This leaves only about six residents on the site, which has been a nice transition for me to start off with a lower number of residents on my own rather than ten all at once.
When it comes to mental health, I completely understand that nothing is predictable, and that I need to expect the unexpected. However, situations continue to take me by surprise each and every day. This week, a patient came into the staff office irate and high, although I am not sure on what substance. The resident began yelling very loud, and slowly walked closer and closer to me until they were hovering over me. Having previously been told that they were the wildcard out of the group, the situation was making me extremely nervous as I was unsure if the resident was known to be aggressive or not. I tried pretending that I was completely calm and kept my face neutral, but I must be a terrible actress because one of the other staff members promptly told the resident to lower their voice because they were scaring me, to which the resident immediately backed up and continued ranting much quieter. It seemed to me as if the resident did not know their own strength, and were not at all aware of their behaviors, which was very interesting (and stressful) to witness. Furthermore, one of the residents got discharged from a psychiatric hospital and returned to the group home, so I got to meet them for the first time this week. The next day, I was told that the resident I had just met stated that they do not like me because I am new and unfamiliar. I was then told that, in the near future, I am expected to make an effort in interacting with and helping the resident so that I may be trusted. My hope is that I am successful in showing that I am only here to observe and learn, and that I mean no harm or judgment.
So far this week, I have had some new experiences. On Monday, I was able to sit in with the new substance abuse counselor and listen to some of the residents share whatever they wanted to. It was not yet an official meeting or group, but rather just the substance abuse counselor getting to know the residents and what situations need to be worked on. It was fascinating to just sit and listen to the residents speak to one another about life in their own environment. Further, the resident that nearly became aggressive last week ended up getting arrested and placed in a psychiatric unit for spitting on a staff member, which brought us down to only eight residents. I was also able to finally leave the home with one of the residents and attend their errands with them. In the past, I am used to a psychiatric unit that locked patients in at all times. It was absolutely foreign to me to sit in a car with a resident and grocery shop with them. This experience has allowed me to begin to see how a group home exactly assists these residents in daily living, and I am beginning to understand the importance of these transitional residences.
The second half of my first week has still been slow, but I have definitely been able to experience a few things. First, my boss has suggested that I run a few groups in the future, so I look forward to those. However, I have not yet witnessed a group session to be able to observe or learn from yet. I did, though, hear that each group has a different theme, such as arts and crafts, hearing voices, substance abuse, exercise, and so on. Second, I was able to witness a random apartment search for each individual resident. This was a stressful experience for me as one of the residents was off their medications and was known to be physically aggressive. At the time of the search, that particular resident, along with two other residents and a visitor, were high off of crack cocaine and therefore were not in a healthy frame of mind. The resident became irate and started yelling vulgar and abusive things, as well as threatening to call the police and coming towards the workers as if a physical altercation was to come. I could tell that the situation could very quickly become physical, so I declined entering the apartment to watch the search and said I would stand outside of the doorway instead. When the resident heard this, they said "Soraya is not a scumbag like the rest of you that get off on abusing the mentally ill. She can come in. Please come in." So, against my better judgment, I entered the apartment and watched the search. I made sure to keep my entire body, especially my hands, visible at all times and stood in one spot so as to ensure the four people high off cocaine that I mean absolutely no harm, I am not part of the search, I do not plan on getting physical, and I am just here to observe. I believe that they very much appreciated those actions in that not a single insult or vulgar language that was being screamed were directed at me. I have never once been around substance abuse before, especially something as extreme as crack cocaine, so this experience was very frightening and new to me. I was told, though, that seven of the ten residents are heavy substance abusers, so I expect much more experience regarding the topic in the future.
The beginning of my internship was a rough one. First, I got lost four times trying to find my orientation building. When I got there, their entire computer system had crashed so they could not show any of the training videos or slideshows they had prepared. Therefore, my eight hour orientation ended up being only two hours. On my first actual day of work, I got lost trying to find the building and ended up being 15 minutes late. Once I got there, I was given a brief tour and met one of the ten residents as one was in the hospital and the other eight were still sleeping. I was then given their files to familiarize myself with the psychiatric conditions I would be working with. As it turns out, I will be at the same location for the entirety of the month, and almost (if not all) of the residents have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, among other things. On my third day, I was able to attend a holiday party that is intended for a multitude of group home residents to attend, and it was very interesting to be able to see different clients rather than my usual ten. I cannot wait to see what this opportunity brings me.
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